I should've known....the first two weeks of February are always rough. It doesn't matter if Phil sees his shadow or not, we're still in the midst of the dark, cold, cagey season called Winter.
I resolved a few years ago to never complain about the weather, hot or cold. In my heart I allowed myself to secretly love spring and fall above all else but I promised myself to make the most of "those other two seasons". So I haven't complained, I've made the best of it. So throughout this exceptionally cold, snowy winter I've smiled through the bitter cold blowing tiny shards of ice against my face.
So when my friend asked me that question, I surprised myself by my response. "I dunno." escaped my mouth and then I muttered something like "I guess the weather is bumming me out." I went home a little ashamed of my attitude. My true feelings had eeked out and I realized that despite all my efforts, I had a case of the winter blues.
You see, a few years ago, listening to this woman speak, I was moved, no, compelled to find the beauty in everything. The beauty in my kid's poor attitude, the beauty in my plywood floors, the beauty in my marriage and the beauty in a cold, sunless day.
My cold, tired eyes had lost sight of anything beautiful.
There are times where I have to search for that beauty and there are times when there's none to be found and I must create the beauty for myself.
CREATE! That was the response to my quandary. I must create something. So I've been creating; with my kids, in the house, in my mind, at the piano. I didn't care if I made something beautiful for others to see. I created to make myself happy. Today I drew this using the pumpkin's Ed Emberley drawing book.
It made me laugh to draw this....I don't know why....It felt really good.
I hauled out my ancient sewing machine and sewed some curtains for my bedroom out of an old sheet. They're crooked and attached to the window with Velcro dots but I just love them.
Creating can be a scary thing.
First there's the deciding...what should I create? A painting? A song? A cake? A spreadsheet?
Then there's the arguing....Can I actually do this? I've never painted before. I haven't touched a piano since I was a kid. I'm so afraid of computers.
I don't always push through the fear to the last step...
Finally there's the resolving... Of course the answer is YES I can BECAUSE creating is for me. I was created to create, to produce. I was designed with eyes, ears, a nose and a mind that yearn for good things. I also have opposable thumbs, another superb design feature.
Creating is staring fear in the face and saying, I don't care what you think anymore. I'm going to do it anyway.
Creating is emerging on the other side with something you believe to be beautiful.
What a wondrous process!
Creating has taken my mind from my icy environment to the warm comfort of what's brewing inside of my soul. Let me tell you how good that feels.
And now my soul is urging, "Create some more! Go outside and jump in that wretched snow and play! Laugh in its face and declare, 'You don't scare me!" The bleak midwinter is almost through and I will continue to create to my little heart's content until I can throw the windows open and breathe in the warm breezes of spring. The weather's just fine from where I'm standing!
Thanks for reading,