Tuesday, December 6, 2011

O No You Dit'nt

O yes I did.  Well it's been about a month now and I have some very big news to share.....

My dreams have come true!  I'm officially a stay-at-home mom! 

That's right, a saty-at-home-ity-home mom.

I remember being a little girl playing with dolls and pots and pans and I thought to myself "I wanna be a mommy when I get bigger."

 I did well in school and my head filled my future up with college and career.  Staying at home got smushed behind all of that.....

but it was still there....

When I got married, I thought about how nice it would be to have little ones at home and spend my days caring for them.  There were so many obstacles, though.

     How could we possibly afford to live on one salary.....my husband is a hard worker but he's no brain scientist.

    I'm not really domesticated.  In fact I'm sloppy and a pretty poor cook AND when babies look at me, they generally tend to cry. 

but it was still there...

I was mostly afraid to dream my dream.  I was getting older; past the age that I pictured stay-at-home mommies to be.  I didn't want to talk to Bill about it because he would feel so bad that he couldn't give me what I wanted (husbands really want to do that for their wives, you know).

Our son was born in 2005.  I was working 25-30 hours per week and  thought, "This isn't too bad.  It's kinda how I always pictured it."....wow the stuff dreams are made of, right?

Last fall, Bill and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary.  We, of course, couldn't "afford" to do anything major because I was only working 25-30 hours per week.  We spent the weekend at this beautiful place

We came away rested and inspired....the two best indicators of a good vacation.  During the weekend, I summoned my courage and tested my faith.  I told Bill my dream; I mean really told him.  I told him that I wanted to stay home and that I wanted him to be okay with that. 

I saw that my desire had to be changed into his desire too....not just for my husband to give me what I wanted but to see the benefits though his own eyes. 

We prayed because that is what we were reduced to.... Reduced because the equation was there but the numbers were not adding up. 

So this story turns out to have a happy ending.  We waited on our heavenly father patiently for over a year but it wasn't hard.  You see, he needed that time to prepare us for what was ahead (which is a whole other blog post).  When he gives us the desires of our hearts, it's a big deal to us.  We want to be the best possible caretakers of these dreams because they come around but once in a lifetime.

And me?  I'm so very excited about having a dream come true.  I'm soaking it in, I'm relishing the moment and most importantly I'm at peace.  As I reflect on this whole process, I see that it was not  painful as I thought it would be.  I'm not a good waiter.  The beautiful part was that I was never really waiting.  Deep down I knew that the time was not right and that when it was right, everything would just fall into place...


Thanks for reading

  jenny rosie